Dealing with Transition

So it has been a year of transitions.  And something I thought I would be good with is now proving to not be quite the case....

I was the coordinator of a major event here in town for 2 years.  The event happened 4 times during that period.  It took a lot of my time, a lot of coordination, a lot of effort.  And now it "belongs" to someone else.  Next week, the event is taking place.  I've been watching for the signs (literally and figuratively) around town, seen things here and there, thought about what was "wrong" or "different" or "not there".  But I'm trying to let it go.  Hard to do.  I'm feeling a cross between wondering why they aren't calling me with questions, to not wanting to answer the phone at all.  Next week, during the event, I really want to turn my phone off, have my husband do the same, and not know whether or not anyone has called at all.  I know it will not be completely possible to escape, though.  But I may try...  Like finding something to do all day on Wednesday.  Coffee with a friend, shopping maybe?  Asking my mom to get the kids...  And Thursday, well, who knows...  kids are out of school, so maybe I need to take them somewhere?  So many weird feelings and emotions.  Am I wrong for feeling this way?  I always got the feeling that the person taking over for me wanted to do it her way.  She took my information, asked very few questions, and went on her way.  Someone close to the situation told me tonight that her take on it is very different.  She feels like the new PIC (person in charge) is actually intimidated by me and therefore does not want to ask me questions, feels like she's not living up to the standard, etc.  I have a hard time believing that.  Who knows.  The thing is, this event will continue.  It will keep going as it has for more than 12 years.  It will be in this town, and so will I, for many years to come.  Got to let it go and transition.  But doing that smoothly is a whole other thing...

Fourth day of school

Everybody can just shut up.  Stop asking me, "what are you going to do with all of your time?"  I'm tired of it.  Already.  And it is only the 4th day of school.  Yes, my 2 children, with whom I've stayed home for the past 6 years have just gone off to school.  Yes, they were the primary focus of everything every day of their lives.  Guess what?  They still are.  AND I'm trying to find time for ME, too.  Figure out where my interests have staggered off to after 6 years of disregard.  Figure out what I am capable of besides tending to every need of two little boys.  I'm sad.  An entire part of their lives is over and all anyone can do is focus on "what's next".  Well, lay off.  I'll tell you what's next.  You think I'm laying around eating bonbons because I have nothing better to do now that they are in school 7 hours a day?  Well, why the hell not.  Because I haven't had a "break" in 6 years.  Vacation?  Nope, not for mom.  Just doing the same stuff in a different place.  Sure, you can take a week off work and do something "different" or "relaxing", but I can't.  So, yeah, maybe I'll have a bonbon or two while I'm doing the laundry, cleaning the house, clearing the clutter, working on baby books that have been neglected for 6 years, planning meals, shopping for groceries, and a miriad of other things.  And maybe, just maybe, I'll take a few moments here or there and decide what it is that *I WANT* to do.  But in the meantime, I'll just keep doing what I do.  I'm a mom.

Opening

Well, here I go.  I've contemplated starting a blog for a long time.  I think I am at a point now where I really want to do this.  I'm not sure yet what it will be about.  I can't guarantee that I won't write something that will offend you.  I can't guarantee I will write anything that makes sense to anyone but me.  But hey, I guess that is ok, since I'm doing this for ME and not for anyone else.  We'll see how that goes, right??

So... Soul Cadence.  How did I come up with that?  Well, every other thing I came up with was taken.  And then today, in the shower (where I hold all of my important meetings), the word Cadence came to my mind.  I love cadences.  I love rhythm.  As a former drummer, I played many cadences back in the day.  They keep you on track.  They give purpose to movement.  I'm looking for some purpose to my movements lately.  I'm looking to find MY rhythm.  I'm in this journey to dig deep and figure out what makes me tick.  Wish me luck.  March on.