I Deserve It

Yes, I guess I'm a late bloomer.  I'm just starting to really think about this, and I know other people already get it.  What am I talking about?  Happiness.  Knowing that I truly deserve to be happy.  I have a long, long way to go with this one, that's for sure.  For some reason, it is programmed into my brain that I don't get to experience real joy.  Something has to be not quite right, something missing, someone else gets it better.  Not fair!  I deserve every happiness that anyone else has.  Boy, this is a very hard thing to get straight in my brain.  I often default to others, don't speak up, allow things to happen that maybe aren't what I had hoped.  Well, now I'm trying to put it out to the Universe, Great Creator, Master Designer and Decorator of all things...  I want to feel joy.  I want to feel happiness.  Send it to me.  I'm ready to accept it.  I'm ready to take it and enjoy it and then I'm ready to spread it around.  But be clear, first, I'm ready to have it rain down on me.  I will not deflect it to others first, and not allow myself to feel it.  I will drink it in and then let it shine out from me.  I want that glow.  I want to find happiness, joy and bliss.  I deserve it.