Saturday, December 11, 2010


Struggling with spirituality this year.  Struggling with how much of a hypocrite I am.  Every night we read about Jesus.  I love this advent time with our family.  We've always done it.  Especially at this crazy time of year, it is wonderful to sit around with just the lights of the tree and candles.  But if I'm doubting everything I've ever been taught in the Christian tradition, should I really be doing this with my kids?  I have no idea where I'm going to end on this journey.  I was always so church-oriented growing up: very active in Sunday School, Confirmation, Bible Camp, Luther League, etc.  I have 4 Godchildren.  I have very wonderful Godparents.  I went to a Jesuit university.  In fact, I only looked at Christian schools.  But oddly enough, it was there that my doubts started.  I don't think they make you take all of those theology classes planning that you will start to doubt your faith.  More recently, I've read a couple of books that talk about the Sacred Feminine.  I haven't read enough to form solid thoughts on that one way or another, but I do find it interesting.  I also read Eat, Pray, Love recently.  I'm probably in a minority of people who found it inspiring enough to take notes.  Ack.  Yes, I believe in a higher power of some sort.  There are many things about organized religion that I do not agree with, though.  I don't think it makes sense for one group or another to say they are the "right" ones and everyone else is wrong.  How loving is that?  Doesn't make sense to me.  Anyway, in this season of the story of Jesus, I still love the wonder of the story.  I do want to teach my kids about that story.  But I'm conflicted.  For now, I'm just trying to focus on the joy and the wonder of the season.  To love the magic of this time of year and seeing it through my kids' eyes.  I need more time to work out the rest of it....

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